all about living

2006-12-19T00:19:00.000-08:00

Claustrophobia

The stench of unwashed bodies assaults my nostrils..
layers and layers of grime and filth..
settled on human skin...
A wave of nausea hits my stomach..
as i try to to ignore a strange faceless hand..
mistaking my butt for a stray wallet...
i grope around me...
trying to find support and finding nothing but stale beedhi smoke...
i turn around...
interrupting the eye to eye convo that a man was having with my chest..
I count the passing moments breathlessly..
as I feel the world closing in on me..
the disgust, the rot, the shame of it all..
My sinking soul resurfaces for one last breath..
and I welcome the sweet smelling air..
as I always do..
when I get off a DTC bus.

2006-04-23T15:37:00.000-07:00

i have a friend...my best friend since forever! my world is incomplete widout her but lately things haven't been the same...they have changed...we have changed and not for the better! it's noone's fault really but i guess if i had to blame someone, i'd blame our time tables!however,i know and i believe that things wud get better soon and our friendship will take a u-turn...till then i am going to relive all the time we have spent together and hope for the best(when i luk back everything seems to merge and i feel as if we were actually living at each other's place!).
this is my ode to my bestest friend in the whole wide world...the little babe who wanted to remain 14 forever...
here's to u...
ritz

i know someone...
someone who is a lovely person...
she is sweet and she is pretty...
people like her are next to none!

i geatly treasure our friedship...
one candid luk from her
can make any guy's heart flip!

the only problem is
that she doesn't seem to know...
i cud do anything to make her forgive me,
i do luv her so!

she means the world to me,
(she is so very special!)
if she is there...i'm there,
if she is not...there is no way i cud be!

my luv for her...i cannot express
u must have got the idea'
more or less!

so that's that and this is it!
if tomorrow she forgets me
my luv for her won't lessen even a small bit!
for, all the glamour and the glitz
can never steal from me...
my 14 year old ritz!

2006-01-28T05:18:00.000-08:00

to all those who think U.S. is the 'GREATEST' country in the world...please spare some time and read a book called "it was 5 past midmight at bhopal." by Dominique Lapier...the inspiration for this poem!

you breath...to live
...we breathed...to die
...never to live again!
they called it the laughter gas
...years have passed since we laughed the last time
...the laughter died
...still deep in our throats..raw with unhealed wounds!
our tounges are too scorched to form words
...words to tell our tragic tale
...words to question our unprovoked enemy
who not only killed us, but also, generations to come
...words to plead for mercy!
those of us left to live
...begged for death
...those who died writhed in pain till their last breath!
...our eyes still burn
...not with unshed tears
...but with the ashes of your burning egoes!
you in your A.C coaches and million dollar offices
...never paid for your sins!
...our accusing fingers are still pointing
...looking for the culprit
...but you cowards would never show your faces
...for, though ou hands cannot reach you,
...our cries ring in your ears!
...our memories will haunt you forever
...giving you unspoken fears!
...the memories of a monday of macabre death
...the memories of a nightmare filled with misery and pain
...the memories of a question you'd ask yourself time and again
...did we deserve what you gave us
...what we got???
...and inspite from running forever from the truth
...you will always know
...we did not!

(p.s:this is in reference to th bhopal gas tragedy that took place in 1984...people of bhopal died in their sleep...scorched to death due to breathing a poisonous gas...given out by a U.S based factory...reports proved that the tragedy could have been avoided!)

2006-01-28T04:53:00.000-08:00

this poem is dedicated to all those faultless and innocent people who lost their lives in the vietnam war of 1954...i know it's impossible for me to actually feel the pain they underwent but as a spectator, as a person who only read about them in her history book(that is all thats left of them!),this is my ode to them!may their souls rest in peace!

i am alive
...but only just
...not happy with my existence any more
...i carry on my shoulders the burden of the whole world
...mine at least
...the ashes of my brother
...the remains of my father
...the agony of all my kith and kin!
life has not been fair to me
...though it showed enough mercy to let me live
...live..to die everyday
...live..to see those millions being left alone
...uncared for..just like me!
...indeed!
...life has shown enough mercy to let me live through it all!
i think about my future
...something that i haven't given much thought
...i am not anxious or scared
...just a little distraught!
don't pity me for i have lived
...survived to see the ruins of a house
...a village
...a nation..once my home!
i have come a long way
...from the streets of where i lived
...to the pages of a history book
...a million people flip through it everyday
...unknown to me..unconcerned too!
...some don't bother too see me
...some stop and stare at my face..trying to guess my story
...but the words written below my photograph
tell the story of my entire being
..."a native of a vietnamese village
...ravaged by U.S. bombing"

2006-01-19T04:02:00.000-08:00

...are u really there or is this all make believe...u r by my side but i still feel like i'm hallucinating...u touch me but the spell doesn't break, it just becomes more real...your fingers drum on my skin and speak the words u r too shy too say...yes, shy!....ironic isn't it?....it should ideally be the other way round...the times spent with u are times away from life itself...i can live them all over again...in fact, i do!...all i can say is...u r the most beautiful dream i have ever had!
your forever,
princess

ps:this is straight from the heart for someone who is closest to it...kindly excuse if u find it too sappy...and if u don't...well...thanks for understanding!

2005-12-20T06:18:00.000-08:00

me...for hire

a hundred rupee note
and i'm all yours...
for tonight...
or any other night to come...

...i stand there on the curb
waiting for your hungry,lustful eyes to spot me...
at the same time wishing...
that they don't!

...i am not an ordinary teenager...
for i don't feel the joy that one does
on dressing up for her man...
or should i say...
for my 'men'?

...the grease paint on my cracked lips
is smeared on my face...
not out of a fit of passion...
but out of your drunken clumsiness!

...the hands that run over me
have long stopped giving me pleaure...
or did they ever in the first place?

...the man over me does not repulse me anymore...
why would he?...
he would give me enough
to keep my body and soul together...
ironic isn't it?
after all that i have given up...
i'm still considered to be the one sans a soul?

...i always smile...
never out of joy...
hardly out of self-pity...
nor out of amusement
at your constant need for me...
but when i realise...
that once again...
i got mixed up in words and said...
-"it's business doing pleasure with you!"

2005-11-19T20:24:00.000-08:00

strings of life...

u sat there playing your guitar...lost to everything around you...completely immersed in you own thoughts...your own music...you sat there playing your guitar next to the water cooler...and i saw you for the first time...a guy who thinks he is a world in his own...who thinks people aren't worth being noticed or appreciated...i hated you!...we met again soon and i realised that i had been right the first time about you...not a hint of smile on your face...just an expression of complete aloofness...you were everything i wasn't...calm, composed,dedicated...not caring a shit for what people thought about you...i envied you...then we became friends...we sat together at the water cooler...you playing your guitar...completely immersed in your own thoughts...your own music...i saw you...a guy who knows how to feel for others...who shows his concern for them by making them smile through his music...i respected you...i admitted to myself that i had not been right about you...life took a turn and we came closer...we sat together...you teaching me how to play the gitar...i saw you...a guy who meant the world to me...someone who cared for me more than i thought was possible...i loved you...and NOW...we sit together at the water cooler talkin about anything under the sun...your guitar lying next to you...i look at you and thank god for giving you to me...a guy i love and care for...life is going beautifully thanx to you...and i wish it stays that way forever...me...you...and...your guitar!

2005-11-15T04:50:00.000-08:00

i saw her...

today i saw a picture in my newspaper...a middle aged widow... a woman who had seen her husband die right before her eyes in the middle of a hotel room filled with little children and women...she looked strangly disturbed...she looked pale and sick...someone in dire need of a good meal and a peaceful sleep...her face leapt out at me from the pages of the paper...i felt an instant pang of sympathy towards her...i read the caption below...she was one of the suicide bombers of jordan...her husband had been one too...he died but she didn't...i tried to work up anger against that sagging face, stricken with a haunting look of a desperate longing...i closed the paper realising with a mild shock that all i felt was pity...an accute sense of pity!

2005-11-04T09:27:00.000-08:00

life's a mess right now...it's like nothin is going the way it's supposed to go or probably the i want it to go. feel like i'm being suffocated by the most trivial things in life.my thoughts are closing in on me and i've had enough of myself!i feel like jumping from my balcony but it seems so low! i have still not reached the dignified height from which i can jump off and feel contented about it (no puns intended!).
but i guess life goes on and this low will probably give way to a new high...but till it doesn't.... i'll carry on with the way it's goin...after all... it's all about livin....isn't it?

2005-10-31T06:20:00.000-08:00

boom, boom and gone.....................

they make a mockery out of life, not just their own's but other's too. i wonder if they cannot see the results of their deeds and what i wonder about even more is the fact that they bear to go on living after seeing the same. life seems objectified by their actions. do they ever wait to look back at the damaged caused? do they turn and steel a single glance at the children who would now be referred to as 'orphans'? what does it give them; i would gag if someone tells me it's mental satisfaction!

life goes on, that's the best part about it but for some people it stopped on the 29th of october 2005, never to move again. time heels but the charred bodies of those who perished won't vouch for it. life goes on and it DEFINITELY is theBEST part about it!

i wish to spend just a moment with those who are there no more; wish to step aside from the endless stream of life to pray for them and to ask god to let their souls rest in peace. i hope the next time anyone wants to recreate the massacre, they just imagin the faces of their children..........dead or orphaned and then realise what they are doing before it's too late and even satan does not give them a place in hell.

2005-10-27T13:01:00.000-07:00

My neighbour's wife

she looked up...
so did i...
my stare candid...
her's shy.

suddenly,
everything seemed clear...
though so far
yet so near!her beauty...
with no one could i compare
her twinkling eyes...
her lips bare...
her lovely body...
her silken hair..;

i never got to tell her
how i felt...
however hard i tried...
and all i could do was stand and stare
while she became...
..my neighbour's wife!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-10-27T12:28:00.000-07:00

the sail is up high...
the anchor is down...
i see and wonder with a frown
will this one make it...
...or will it drown?

it's destination unknown
it's future dim...
the captain is steering
and everything depends on him...
it bobs dangerously
being forced to go up and down in the deep waters...
the people grow frantic
as they look for the alleged assaulters
and they find none
except for the vast waves in the bottomless sea
thrashing against the ship
as hard as can be.

and then...
with a last shout of bon voyage
and a last cheer
the ship moves away
leaving the shore clear
for me to stand alone on
and wonder with a frown...
will this one make it...
or will it drown?!?

2005-10-27T09:38:00.000-07:00

The cupid hates me
or at least it seems so
whenever i'm happy
it comes knocking at my door!
it drives me insane,
and all i'm left to say is...
oh!...so its u again?!?

the first time,i welcomed it happily
but of course...he was upto no good
so i threw him out snappily

the second time...
it was the policy of forget and forgive,
but when it kicked my butt again...
i promised not to let him in my heart as long as i live.

the third time proved...
that i was plainly stupid
i was fooled by a dumb little cupid?!?!

but then...the fourth time
he came disguised as u...
and guess what???
i let him in the fourth time too!!!

now i'm not sure how long will u remain..
probably till i get hurt and feel the pain
but even if i kick u out...
i know the next time the doorbell rings
and you're there...all i'll say is...
oh!...so its u again?!?!?